Four-hundred-third Post

hello~

i've been zombified reading a blog beyond the lethargy of my eyes...... curled eyes, you know? @@

so...... these are the results:

I saw a very human person...... I saw how steadfast he was (and probably still is) when he confronted (via his blog and in RL) his classmates in secondary school. Who knew too that he was once an adorable tw33t3r? I saw how he appreciated his friends, that he still cared for someone because he/she was his friend. I saw how appreciative and thankful he was to people who made his day great. I saw how emotionally broken-down he was, how he bore agonising periods entertaining something (which I cannot recall. I'm sorry ><) even though he had to study for his exams.

More importantly, I saw how happy he was when he was with his Didi...... oh, so much affection showered on him o...... Me want korkor's affectionate treatment too ): in fact, such affection has been sought by me since I "opened my eyes" in Primary Five...... oh...... it's been at least seven years...... that long. Will someone ever fill the void? Maybe not, huh x) oh, intense emotional attachment...... felt that a few times towards a few people, a few times it hurt badlie after it dawned on me i meant nothing, other times it hurt badlie at a later time x)

do i miss being a masochist? i don't want to. i hope that my heart will be healed. medicallie.

he's also playing the "never-reply" game lor x( i know i've done wrong and messed up my first impression...... my heart wrenches
i don't know what to say to impress him. i don't want to put him off, o x( i'm sorry for all the times i've turned you off. i'm sorry for many things, i'm sorry i wasted your time because you misunderstood me on skype. sorry, o x(

it lighted me up every time when he replied me on whatsapp, o. even if it's an "Lol.", I'll be happy because he replied me...... and people know that i hate "Lol", o

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I like listening to you...... if you ask me to sleep right now, I will. anything you say, anything! (except maybe one or two things ><)

I'm just a dumbo that needs to be taught what to do. maybe you think it's not your job to teach me?

i've thought of you more times than i thought of steven ever since i added you on msn, o...... every day, i wish you'd reply me...... if you initiate a conversation, i'd be so happy the whole day! give me chance, not give me a chance. forgive me!
my eyes feel strained and tired ~.~
-rubs and does things to my eyes-

i'm tired....................................... but i'll prollie be woken up by my biological clock at 9 or 11 am ~.~ there go my sleep and efforts to rid my eyes of fine wrinkles
i'm thinking that he wouldn't forgive me...... after all, i reallie did behave very unimpressivelie...... he wouldn't give a hoot about me and it hurts me. he *is* a busie person...... especiallie when now is the examinations period. it sucks. it sucks. i can't message him without thinking that i'd be disturbing him, but how else can i get him to talk to me? would one reallie be so great to forget all that has been done and just forgive? after all, it's 2012 le...... his last entry was in 2010 o, how much has he changed? :\

my EYES feel STRAINEDDDDDDDDDDDD <_>

can't help thinking, though, that i'm wasting my own time and his x)

i was wondering if he would be in the city on Valetine's Day yesterday... I was hoping he would make a concession yesterday, if he were in the city, and let me meet him...... where it's dark, I would just bury myself in his body...... hugging him, o, apologising...... that sort of emotional attachment that tugs at the heart

hah. i'm no match for his Didi...... x) does that mean i am truly wasting my time? it hurts. i'm sorry for all i've said in my previous blog entries, please disregard the negative comments.

hah, i'm not reallie the sort of likeable person a guy would want x) fuck. it's like i'm stuck in a p5 mode. even just raise it to sec 2, it's the same. no korkor o x(

i'm tired......

i do wanna say that i respect him more now, having known how intelligent, diligent and all-so desirable he actuallie was, is and most likelie will be. stupid samuel, you onlie get one chance in life for some things...... i hope that he'd give me at least ONE LAST CHANCE to impress him again... wonder what impresses him, though. tell me ): hope he hasn't removed me .......................... i ask for your forgiveness, o

sleep le bah......... my eyes feel weird ~_~

Samuel 5.17 am