and i was God-damned worried about you i'm a little glad that i have completed my englisch compo draft a little sad it's gonna be penalised very sad i missed my englisch compre and thus have to retake it with a possible cap of 69%
extremely disappointed in myself for making my father very upset u.u for feasting my eyes on <_______________________________>
i hope chenlaoshi has gotten my yingyongwen otherwise i would be so cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesed like a frog and ms cheong? DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMSDAY @_@
and u know what?
my msn conversation with my bf has not been closed for more than a day @_@ so theres a transition
bruder † sian // real headache ~_________~ says (01:15): bye dearrrrr
You have canceled your invitation to start viewing webcam.
bruder † real headache ~_________~ // < DDDDDDDDD says (19:47): hihi @@
the whole thing started since 2319, 28/4/09 and now i end it at 0513, 30/4/09
@_@
better complete some other craps before i go to school i pray that hes safe @_@ God, please bless D: Samuel us all ):
galv kor's reallie right we shouldnt reallie be caring about so many things they always come and rarely go they implant and stay just draggggg you down inhibit your progress i wont question you u.u i guess there's something we can always do and that is to pray God, please bless the world u.u sian ~.~
might be nice to take a listen o_O though someone doesnt like the chipmunk genre :B
looks like i just learnt how to autoplay youtube videos xD
had my chemistrie test @_@ hmm... A1 please @_@
school was great xD played tchoukball :B i scored a few xD gibt einen, den ich finde, stattlich auszusehen @_@
didnt sleep in class xD onlie recess @_@ amazing o_O
haha. =x
now comes my favourite part: blogging about my feelings been lying on my bed @_@ hugging korkor and deardear @_@ nice nice >.< felt great @_@ though not euphoric liddat
of course with happiness comes sadness the safetie net =o abit hurt lor. thought about rejection @_@ bleahs~
;sob 非常渴望能见到你…… 能不能好好爱我，手牵手，一起走，只想和你一起到永久…… Samuel
yesterday i dreamt i was playing REAL LIFE AUDITION @_@ kinda cool xD not dancing though. it's just that the players see the arrows on some screen then we gotta move our arms like 12pt to press it <.< xD cool~
i also dreamt that the world was full of swimming pools i look out of some condo-like building and i saw gigantic swimming pools everywhere @_@ reallie huge, like oceans ahh~ white~ transparent reallie cool soothing blue skies and i just wanna jump off the building and splash into the crisp, cool water xD dont forget the wind running through xD
i love such dreams
and i guess, today's a better day =D cute little tiger =x stroke~ LOL
right now, i'm off to the park in front of my house so i can maybe enjoie the wind o_O doubt so though at least it's quiet xD bleahs, dont tell u @@ gotta do my homework! and treat my mother better @@ Samuel jai ho~
and chuang introduced me this website xD so cool~ http://www.karaokeparty.com/ it's a great way to destroy ur dreams and self-esteem just what i need xD
at least i fed my employees on time something i did right
Your Guardian Angel sounds inappropriate
today (thursday), german was great =D today, i experienced a dream which should be... of the second classification a wake-initiated lucid dream (WILD) occurs when the dreamer goes from a normal waking state directly into a dream state with no apparent lapse in consciousness
i don't know what's wrong. maybe vandalising? tell me... dont seep away D; slept kinda earlie yesterday. 11.30 liddat
i guess i shall look at the letter x( reversion to the life of melancholy and suicide? chemical reactions. God blessing people i can do it, says ms cheong. time to do geographie maybe.
it's kinda been a long time since i've felt this way so hurt yet so good ;sob i like the feeling. we must always treasure things PLEASE LISTEN TO THE VIDEO DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'X so many wrong decisions...... maybe i wouldnt mind getting sucked by him anything, anything...... makes me cry, fills me with envie D'x Samuel take me away...... i feel immense attachment
my father cooks great! i'm so luckie to have him x)
i think my phone has some problems D: calls cant come thru @_@ noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo T_T hitohira no hanabira ga yurete iru boku no tonari de ima~ didn't do my homework @_@ i think. planning to do homework in the weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees is stupid i will never do them <.< laying one's head on the pillow is like ingesting sleeping pills kinda xD
the past few days were reallie great for me @@ i felt great, with being hurt being a small cause xD thanks, God @@ today, we played tchoukball again xD our scores were like 15-5 xD i helped score 3 or something xDDDD so fun
looks like the sec1s love me xDDDDDD especiallie sebastian xD a o_O WHY ARE YOU HIGHLIGHTING EH O_O today (saturday), we went to west coast park for isoouting xD k
there was pim, shake and i =x and my sister e xDD kinda fun c they removed the top part of the pyramid web ._. fox them a maybe some idiot fell off from the top and cracked his egghead <.< God bless us all r
few interesting pictures =x e at outram park mrt outside, grace spotted a rainbow O_O o xD so cool right f
see got couple sitting at the bottom-right corner xD y
and some people drew this o_O o grape-flower =o u
steph said she saw me xD r
and something unfortunate befell @_@ DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: s @_@ God bless us all e
hmm........................................... l O_o what are you doing again eh xD Samuel f
though he's disappearing very soon. i had feelings, but i guess they were killed... give me some time again @@ .....................................................................................
Im Winter in den Alpen, wo es immer schneite, war alles eiskalt und still. Der Wind sang ein Weihnachtslied und blies durch die hohen Nadelbäume. Die Sonne schien aus der Ferne hinter den nebligen Wolken. Auf einmal krachte ein grotesker Stein, der aus nirgendwo auskam, gegen den Schneehang. Die ganzen Alpen schüttelten und erschreckte Vögel flogen aus den Bäumen und in den Himmel. Was passierte? Was war der riesige Stein? Was war darin? Die Zeit verging schnell und der Deckel des Steines öffnete sich. Ein kleines zwar niedliches Geschöpf stieg aus. „Toll, so ein schöner Ort! Was für eine bezaubernde Aussicht auf die Berge! Ooohhh......“ Es lief herum und spielte mit dem Schnee, machte einen Schneeengel und schuf leckeres Eis mit seinem Zauber. Es ging spazieren, kletterte auf die Nadelbäume und sprang in den Schnee. Es lag an den Schneeboden und schaute in den Himmel. Es war müde... und schluf. Bei Einbruch der Dunkelheit war es Zeit für das Baby, nach Hause zu gehen. Zu einem Augenblick verschwand es genau wie Zauber.
frau tan asked me to rewrite for the storiewriting competition xD
had yummie spaghetti again xD saw a boi @_@ just thinking...... God bless them getting tired @_@ better do my ihc. mrs giam is damn pissed off i'm a sucker D:
been dozing off during lessons @_@ DIEEEEEEEEEE and there was this NE QUIZ xD i got expert builder~
and isoouting. this sat, right? @@ ARGHS red alert's no problem for me xD Samuel
hate paedophiles hate people who tell me what to do hate people who ask questions
love and hurt...... i think one's much easier to achieve
forget what i wanted to say ~.~ but i'm feeling good alreadie
Samuel
my dark room was attractive, so i went in. i laid on my bed......
started what i like to do...... which is to think. to imagine.
i screamed to myself, ......................... why did i stare so coldly, so uncaringly so arrogantly just regretting my actions
thought about my didi...... hurted him ~_~ poor thing...... i'm a lousie kor _|_
imagined kian visited...... the patheticalness of course, they can just fuck around in my room while i sit and cry at the gate they probablie wouldnt care
i drew a 杀人in the air
i thought of someone. just hurting him retributive............. heh having sex with people to feel good. thought of alvin i thought of alfred korkor.............................................. and i thought of someone else, totallie dominating him and i came out and i want to go back in and 陶醉在悲哀之中
God, please take away the scarring memories of my dear...... please bless us all.............................. ................................................................
looks like i understand how strong he reallie is yea, his plight is damned and much ____ing worse than mine... yet he's still around geez... maybe i should strive to be like him, that strong......
think God has reallie been nice to me. almost caught red-handed for doing something in school <.< anyway, maths test = screwed up
Gonna be late for Tan Kah Kee performance x.x dad drove me there xD abit clumsie
got a camera, a cap a packet of sweets
xD soon, the show started
okay...... ~_~ then the best part was 小嘉庚 =D cool sia, his chinese so pro x.x xDDDDDD < DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
then his part over le T_T then kinda lame the rubber dance <.< LOL then slept abit ~_~ coz too boring le then wake up when the spirit go visit the kids LOL then everyone stand up to sing school song -_- classic. i'm an iconoclast xD
blah blah blah... i'm damn vain la <_> haha... loiter around victoria theatre...... blah blah blah rendezvous with someone <.< walk about at the singapore river...... then i rushed back to the theatre x.x
couldnt see well... coz i dont wear specs but someone wearing yellow called my name x.x "Samuel... Help me!" LOL o.O okay... walk towards... O___________________________________________O 小嘉庚！！！ haha...... then help him get out from the gate so shuai, so friendlie, so nice xDDDDDDDDDD regrets T_T felt like hugging him >.< haha... u.u seeya, 小嘉庚
so continued to walk around the singapore river with this person xD he got me an icecream :B and slurpee xD thanks~
then i went restless so i ran back to victoria theatre quarterway ALMOST collided with some armed person policing there <.< tard.
close to midnite xD bye~ father came shortly thereafter
went to some coffeeshop near punggol park to eat oyster omelette x.x so little oysters <.< but sangat sedap xD
jeremie didi sms-ed me when i reached the coffeeshop, ask wan go hougang point ornot O.O so now my dad drove me to hougang point xD haha got alvin, jeremie and two siblings o.O xDDDD
hmm... joke joke joke <.< then went to the girl's house xD haha..................................................... bleahs hughug alvin sayang x.x and the brother took his shirt off :O played some audi... ~0~ bloodie shameless hackers then............................................................ ................................................................ ................................................................
xD had a nice time with him >.< @@ bwrah. my heart is melting abit <.<
jeremie didi gtg x.x then soon we left too kinda sent him off
walked home x.x went to bathe... then fell asleep x.x then my head banged the floor T_T there was a gigantic bump T________________________________________________T balugu faster got out nad just did like steven -- slumped onto bed LOL
wtf he wants man open the locked door -_-'l| then open again -_- just makes me look back on the past when he just opened to toilet and i saw his eyeballs. move. WHAT he was focussing on -_- that's why i hate him.
Don't even think about what's right or wrong Or wrong Or right 'Cause in the end it's only you and me And no one else is gonna be around to answer all the questions left behind And you and I are meant to be So even if the world falls down today you still got me to hold you up Up And I won't ever let you down Down
visited the doctor. now i hate doctors too. i just dont feel like uploading his picture to flame him. cynical bastard. paedophile.SON OF A BITCH _|_
........................................................................ he bo call me kor le )'; missed school again. completely hellbound
on the way home in my cousin's car passed by many types of housing
there were HDB flats, nice, new ones and habitable old ones. private housing, 3-storey ones and cool condos. situated at places you name it. DAMN COOL!!
all that was on my mind was steven just living with him no matter the environment... being able to see him everyday to hug him as and when i like sleep by him
damn nice
ate with cousins and aunt xD there's this reallie nice pasta-pizza stall in some food centre in braddell oh look, the owners in the pic =x damn nice xD my pasta was oglio wadever LOL damn spicie x.x but sangat sedap xD YOU MUST TRY
and over here, i thought i saw a sight of a familie of siblings having dinner together just invokes thoughts of steven...... i want lor ): ignore the old man xD
prettie beat ~.~ @_@
hmm...... today slept during recess wanted to rush to the auditorium but i was totallie immobilised x.x cramps and there was a painful strain then half-way i totallie stoned ._. cant move so stand there like... pretend enjoying the view xD went back to class~ though Samuelwas just dreaming
4444 messages in my inbox ominous it's probably not potent these words were said against me:
terrible. make use of someone. betray trust.
disturbed.
disturbing absurd bizzare
not friends anymore?
it scares it hurts it drives
coupled with relationship problems
i cant smile
i am feeling hurt its tangible i'm almost tearing though they say seek professional assistance if accidentally ingested. it will be a wretched day. in 7 hours time.
i cannot respond at all. steven )'x i reallie loved you suicidal. i should go to hell.
it's either nonchalance or hurt
THINK OF THE 5-ROOM FLAT WITH FOUR PEOPLE THINK OF THE EMPTY BED THINK OF THE PIECES OF PAPER WITH "Samuel Tan" ON IT look at the unworn shoes look at the computer. look at the pictures of the past with me in it.
think of the coffin in it lies a criminal, handcuffed hated by people.
I don't know. Having relationship problems with someone i like. I don't know. I don't know. I so wish the ponstan had killed me one year ago. I don't wish to be living. I want to cry and feel good. I'm sorry. Please don't reply. I need solitude
Samuel
I WANT TO KILLLLLLLL I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO HURT BECAUSE I WAS HURT and KILLED
THERE'S STRONG INTERNAL CONFLICT WITHIN ME it just pains me greatly i wonder why i take death so lightly
this looks reallie scarie. may contain HCl and NaOH to regulate pH
i am onlie wondering if i should drink it and when i should drink it
the consequences? the actions of my beloved, poor mother?
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spikedog123
Samuel Tan Yuan Han
4th January 1993
spikedog123@hotmail.com
Loves <33
eating liquorice
eating sashimi
eating ice-cream
nice, handsome and smart people ^^ LINE
Wishes
Earn $1000 in 2012 (27 Mar 13) Have five tutees LOL (10 Aug 14) Pick up a new language (25 Nov 12) Dye mah hair ^^ (?? Feb 12)
Find a girlfriend
Have 20/20 vision Fix my teeth (03 Nov 16)
Have a haircut (04 Mar 2015)
Have a haircut (23 Jun 2015)
Have a haircut (31 Oct 2015)
Have a haircut (30 Dec 2015)
Have a haircut (04 Feb 2016)
Have a haircut (10 May 2016)
Have a haircut (13 Jul 2016)
Have my hair dyed (14 Jul 2016)
Have a haircut (21 Oct 2016)
Have a haircut (09 Mar 2017)
