Four-hundred-ninety-third Post

hello ^^

life of an addict is tough...
what constitutes an addiction?
an addiction is a compulsion to engage in a certain behaviour, often harmful and disruptive of the proceedings of daily life.
a matter closely related to addiction is withdrawal. that is when your body is "making noise" and you feel extremely uncomfortable to the point that you're compelled to engage in the said behaviour in order to satisfy your body. or your mind.

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talks about homosexualitie with nicholas, joshua simon and syahir recently have made me think about religion and homomomolity. and of course that jerric doesn't even know what he's talking about. he ought to substantiate baseless claims of what is considered "uncalled for", otherwise i know he's just wasting my time. fancie him commenting on my post when he has conveniently and uncompassionately chosen not to reply Facebook messages.

anyway, addiction... it kinda is like a tripping stone. it's an impediment for me to leave this sinful lifestyle
every time withdrawal comes knocking at my door, i feel extremely restless and uncomfortable internallie — accelerated heart rate, throbbing blood vessels, sick, immoral thoughts inundate my thinking
every time i relent and expose myself to stimulants, it's just like the floodgates of pleasure just opened. floodgates is a very apt description.
and then i restart at square 1 again. it's a cycle, a never-ending cycle......

beyond the debate on topics on homomomo, i think the pertinent issue is what God thinks of us. Those who believe in God ought to fear Him and not disobey Him. that people disobey him is a signal that they do not fear Him. i think that's a simple explanation

so, is the way i'm living my life now pleasing to God? or am i inviting His wrath for knowingly disobeying Him?
death... eternal suffering in hell. there's no way we could fathom that. the senses of human beings are so slow that we cannot conceptualise what eternal suffering is.

i know in my gut that i have rather high standards, and that must be inspired and enlightened by God. high standards prevent us from falling short better.
IF ONLY I COULD LEAVE AND FOLLOW THESE STANDARDS. my parents would be honoured. God would be honoured.
hais...............................................................

God, please do not give me up to my sinful desires. May I continue to find no joy in the depravity of sinful relationships. God, You know that I do not feel like saying some things. Is this a deep-seeded evil inertia planted by Satan years ago? This buried unwillingness to leave. The unwillingness to return to the right path. God, I want to be a pleasure in Your eyes. I want to be certified "good man" that You can be proud of despite my shortcomings but not my transgressions. May I retain an inner peace and wisdom to handle future situations despite antagonism and schemes of others, so that I may be pleasing in Your eyes and thereby honour You. In Your beloved Name, Amen.

Samuel

Labels: 2015, prayer

Four-hundred-ninety-second Post

yoooooooooooooooo

you know what day it is xD at least in Singapore

it's Steven's birthday! And Stephanie's, of course :x

so, happie twenty-first birthday! you're an adult now!
a fully-certified legal adult.


i hope life has been well for you two, especiallie you, steven

i'm afraid the samuel now is not the same as the samuel before...... you'd be sorelie disappointed
but! i hope you've become even better and better!

you have the looks, the brains, and more importantlie the heart for others less fortunate. i think that is what makes you so attractive to me

you know, 21 is a milestone, so i hope you'd be celebrating it in a big way that you'd like :D

if you ever read this, you could send me an email or something O: i wish we could reconnect. it's a pitie that technologie of instant messaging wasn't available back in 2009...... sigh
anyway, we could chat on Line ^^ you know the cute green chatting application? it has so manie cute stickers :D just search "line stickers" on google!
i like using line. i prefer it to whatsapp x10000000000

i hope you're having a great time with ace and family...... and stay out of bad things and trouble!

happy twenty-first birthday again! ;D

Samuel

Labels: 2015, happiebirthday, 너

Four-hundred-ninety-first Post

hello

tomorrow's my last paper in NUS, i guess, after which i'm more free to research on my further studies and contemplate my future plans

recently i've been feeling quite sad.

i think i'm an extremely patient guy. i just hate it when i'm disrespected or unappreciated.
i've learnt that if something is bad for you, YOU CUT THAT THING OFF.
i had experienced living in constant depression because some fucktard was being a mean assh*le
i realised it was EXTREMELY MENTALLY UNHEALTHY for me, so I cut it off.

besides, i'm far more capable and able. i know my worth.
sigh...... someone of a calibre similar to mine should be gotten to know instead ^^

one relationship advice readily dispensed online is that when you find yourself constantly in an argument with your girlfriend or boyfriend and that there are always more unpleasant times than good, then perhaps the relationship will not work out at all. it is only wise to halt it and leave.
it's not good for you, so just leave it behind and move on.
living mentally unhealthily is obviously detrimental and robbing you of joy in your life. that time could have been better spent on other things

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i'm in quite much pain. i feel consigned to damnation by this inertia to seek religious salvation. perhaps i'm lost.............

................................................................ perhaps some girl could help me?

Samuel

Labels: 2015, exams