Four-hundred-eighty-fourth Post

hello ^^

i found out yesterday that my best friend has unfriended me on facebook and unfollowed me on instagram
on the day before yesterday, i found out he unfollowed me on twitter too

i had wanted to blog about this yesterday morning, but i thought i should revise for my CM3231 exam and then practise some patience and blog at night, but i ended up at HC's place where he helped me dye my hair
and here i am in the morning the next day to pen this down

so, here it is:


Dear ped,

Thank you for being my good friend and buddy for the past six years. I hope you are doing well now.

I sure wish we didn't have a rift between us since June (you bet I blame someone for that). I haven't had anyone to talk to casually like we always did since we last talked, and it sure has been lonely.

I sure enjoyed the times we went out together, meeting up at the rear of the train, strolling in town and MBS. I sure hanged out with you the most out of all the isobabes.

I hope you appreciated times such as when I went to pick you up at pasir ris when you booked out for the first time, waiting for about an hour without any response before your bus finally arrived.

Thank you for lending me your bicycle pump, treating me to Cold Stone and Marble Slab Creamery ice-cream, introducing me to the wonders of Gong Cha, listening to me whenever I talked about Steven, helping me scour when I couldn't, following me around looking at private housing, talking nonsense with me, calling me up and calling me "idiot" when I was hospitalised in 2009, running ~ISOLATION~ with me, telling Gordon that you actually loved me (as a bro, no homo), accompanying me to the LINE Pop-up store and taking a video of me walking, going out with me and chatting with me all these years... the list goes on.

I won't pester you since your mind is already made up. However, you are always welcome to send me a Facebook message.

Take care.

Love,
Samuel

Labels: 14unilife, iwnwil

Four-hundred-forty-third Post: A dream about you

I just woke up.
dreaming of you.
steven...

i dreamt i met your brother and i wanted to check out his iphone images to see if there were any pictures of you. there were, of course, but your hair was yellow o_O
you, of course, were against my browsing x) but you did not actively stop me. and by brother, i meant daryl x)

i can't remember if we went anywhere together, but you went to my room to change......
and...... we......
well, we did things that i was so willing to do. we must have enjoyed it, though x)
i can't remember ): but in the end, daryl scolded and hit me and you had to go somewhere...... we never met again, although i had a strong feeling we could. the thought of having you write me another letter was so real, and the thought of writing you one, too.

alas, i woke up at 9 am......
i reallie wish we could see each other again ~.~
Samuel you changed my freaking life.
i reallie enjoyed the dream. i love you, steven! ;D

Labels: 12decemberbreak, dreams, iwnwil, 너

Three-hundred-thirty-second Post

it hurts so much to think that what i only have of you left are thoughts of you, a scan of your letter and our chatlogs
i can't move on. i don't want to move on x(

i begged someone to get your pristine e-mail address off the blacklist of her blogshop because you didn't eventually buy some lenses

I DONT KNOW. I WAS SO BROKEN. MY LIFE NEVER SEEMED TO HAVE HOPE
my throat's choking in pain x(
i'll do anything. i'll be your slave or dog.
Please reappear......
14 days ago. I know you are still around but i really wish you would talk to me
i wouldnt mean to be rude or stupid, incorrigible or a waste of your time
i wouldnt mean to hurt you or do anything bad
it must have been a fucking shame for you

i dreamt about you. it's the best dream ever.
i dreamt i was an l4d special infected with a group of fellow special infected at a hotel somewhere in the world.
we moved around the corridors covertly...... we tried to eat people
i went to a splendid room with three bejeweled bathtubs and we wanted to bathe but there's no water. we moved around some more and suddenly one of us went down to eat people. it alerted the crowd and they were after us. we tried to run and i tried to kill some by pouncing on them but it was of no use

i was at some grand hotel where there was a buffet...... it was all-you-can-eat
and must have been some food hotel because the food items were of many different cuisines.
i cannot remember exactly what happened but i had a feeling you were around
of all places in the world you travel, you were right here in the same building
i saw huncheng that molester. you must have known him...... i looked around for you and finally i saw you.
it had to be you. it was such a stark resemblence -- your looks, your height, your niceness...... you were with huncheng but you stuck with me. thank God
you went onto me and started to do what the green-haired guy did @@
it felt so good...... even in the dream, the feeling felt so real @@
i saw everything............ we really loved each other

i saw your abs and i remembered steph saying she can't stop looking at your abs so i asked while touching them
"how did you get your abs?" xD
"it's normal de......"
"then mine also normal de" xP

you followed me...... we were at the area near hougang mrt station. i suggested you came home with me because it was near serangoon where you must have stayed
it was near chompchomp which was a walkable distance away, from serangoon that is
you agreed...... we're finally gonna live together (;

we were walking around some hdb flats...... those white colour near hougang mall de. then got someone suddenlie talk to you O: he spoke japanese and u talked to him in japanese. i was so amazed by you xD

we were at bishan/serangoon mrt station...... we saw pim and sarah and co. on the train
grace and co. waved to them but did not exit the gate
they were trapped between the train and the glass door...... i tried to pry the gates open. i succeeded but it was enforced with electromagnets......

they were rescued. but you suddenly disappeared.
i went to look for you around stations...... but to no avail
my perception turned 3rd-person and my vision became warp

i have lost you x(

i woke up and i wanted to sleep again to look for you but chances are i will never see you again

It hurts so much
You've become a part of me
Please, help me alleviate this pain. Please!
do whatever. i promise you i will not kill myself. Please!
Do whatever. I promise you i will not hurt myself. I promise you.
I Promise you. I promise you I will not hurt myself.
Do anything but ignore me, please!
Could you give me a chance? I never hated you. I'm sorry.
I will be a good boy like I should be
I can't stand the surge of the thought that it's all impossible
Let me cry in front of you, in your arms. I wanna do that

I love you, I love you. I pray you are doing well in life.
You'll always be in my thoughts. constantly. hughug x(

25072010152700

<sub>What is/was in my mind......

i'm aloof when the situation calls for attention
live for the dreams. unmaterialised thoughts.

the deadliness of words. should i kill people with words......
or be a supposedly nice person and just bear with it

do i reallie have asperger? )';

punishment

i'm not getting things right

i know i've been dragging time on my part
but your total insensitivity and lack of empathy just make me want to give up

what's more important, orchard central or my well-being?

why should i smile... it's not for anyone

lol, no one understands.


i know. should i just go out with someone i dont know very well
and expose all my hidden depression. someone who is younger than me
expecting that he would understand when he wont because he has problems of his own?
should i call for help hoping she would understand and protect me holistically
so that i would feel safe from the start to the end
hoping she would not pressure me

you know what love is
it's an unconditional bond.
it is forgiving.
it is being honest and truthful

i know for sure someone has it
x)

Samuel</sub>

Labels: 10term3, dreams, heartache, iwnwil, 너

Hundred-sixty-ninth Post: iwnwil

it was nice while it lasted
guess i should salvage our happiness x)
Samuel

Labels: 09term2, iwnwil

Hundred-fifty-eighth Post

aha, drafted two posts
to hide :B

and my hamster bit me @_@
his name? xD dont know yet
u.u )';

i'm back @_@

after 2-3 days liddat <.< wtfox

main things are:

i cried like a kid for more than an hour @_@
i got the drips <.< wtfox man
and i removed it by myself without the doctors' permission but they didn't know and they didn't find out :B

i vomited on the taxi <.<

i dedicated a song to iso on 987fm pillow fight with soo xD
first time read out my dedication sia @_@
was like shocked
"spike sent in an sms. unfortunately, i dont have the new song by david archuleta, but i am gonna play a song by craig david, called insom-nee-ah. it's going out to all isolationists especiallie to your dear friend _________________________"
xDDDDDDDDDDDD

my phone is screwed up
i had wet dreams @_@
i've got another police report, this time for drug overdose <.<
i'm getting indifferent about my records <.<

and i have been thinking of someone
=]
i've got to set up my cage @_@
i dont want it to be another regret Dx
in case u wanna see sommore pictures, can go the link =o
http://www.friendster.com/photos/24001431/1/297014370
it's very disgusting though @@ and browse through backwards xD

kk, time to set up the cage, i guess o_O

and if i'm sad or very sad, i guess i should stick to the old.

Samuel emooooooooooo xD

Labels: 09term2, cry, heartache, hospital, iwnwil

Hundred-thirty-eighth Post

guess things are going according to plan
i just want to say
it was nice while it lasted
and i am hurt. so, i love you
Samuel

Labels: 09term2, iwnwil, m

Hundred-thirty-fourth Post: Nice Day

Gonna be late for Tan Kah Kee performance x.x
dad drove me there xD
abit clumsie

got a camera, a cap
a packet of sweets

xD soon, the show started

okay...... ~_~
then the best part was 小嘉庚 =D
cool sia, his chinese so pro x.x
xDDDDDD < DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

then his part over le T_T
then kinda lame the rubber dance <.< LOL
then slept abit ~_~ coz too boring le
then wake up when the spirit go visit the kids LOL
then everyone stand up to sing school song -_-
classic. i'm an iconoclast xD

blah blah blah... i'm damn vain la <_>
haha... loiter around victoria theatre......
blah blah blah
rendezvous with someone <.<
walk about at the singapore river......
then i rushed back to the theatre x.x

couldnt see well... coz i dont wear specs
but someone wearing yellow called my name x.x
"Samuel... Help me!" LOL
o.O okay... walk towards...
O___________________________________________O 小嘉庚！！！
haha...... then help him get out from the gate
so shuai, so friendlie, so nice xDDDDDDDDDD regrets T_T
felt like hugging him >.<
haha... u.u
seeya, 小嘉庚

so continued to walk around the singapore river with this person xD
he got me an icecream :B and slurpee xD
thanks~



then i went restless so i ran back to victoria theatre
quarterway ALMOST collided with some armed person policing there <.< tard.



close to midnite xD



bye~
father came shortly thereafter

went to some coffeeshop near punggol park to eat oyster omelette x.x
so little oysters <.<
but sangat sedap xD

jeremie didi sms-ed me when i reached the coffeeshop, ask wan go hougang point ornot O.O
so now my dad drove me to hougang point xD
haha
got alvin, jeremie
and two siblings o.O xDDDD






hmm... joke joke joke <.<
then went to the girl's house xD
haha..................................................... bleahs
hughug alvin sayang x.x and the brother took his shirt off :O
played some audi... ~0~
bloodie shameless hackers
then............................................................
................................................................
................................................................

xD had a nice time with him >.< @@
bwrah. my heart is melting abit <.<

jeremie didi gtg x.x
then soon we left too
kinda sent him off

walked home x.x
went to bathe... then fell asleep x.x
then my head banged the floor T_T
there was a gigantic bump T________________________________________________T
balugu
faster got out nad just did like steven -- slumped onto bed LOL

wtf he wants man open the locked door -_-'l|
then open again -_-
just makes me look back on the past when he just opened to toilet and i saw his eyeballs. move. WHAT he was focussing on -_-
that's why i hate him.

anyway, slept from dunnoe when till 6.30 x.x

been blogging for two hours xD

Samuel bloodie connection problems -.-

Labels: 09term2, adventure, happy, iwnwil, schoolfunction, victoriatheatre

Hundred-twenty-eighth Post: CIP

cip at taman jurong.
Jurong Assist.

the point is: my team got one YANDAO RJC GUY
SHUAI GE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hmm... maybe a mix of delon and yaoming
dunnoe la. shuai ge jiu dui le.

hmm... hinted him abit...... always looked at him...
then just now he also walking past i jut my handphone then it rubbed against his bodie x.x
x.x then he turn around........
hmmmmmm.........................................

alas, cannot.
hais Tn~
too shy le...

wanted to fold that crease for him >.<
anyway, i love you korkor < DDD
drafted an sms to myself. haha. just being pessimistic...
Samuel

Labels: 09term2, CIP, iwnwil

SpikeDog123

my life is so screwed up xD
screwing up further, with the sole intention to incite hatred
to invoke rejection
to waste my wastrel life away

always giving wrong impressions and i enjoy that
always being cryptic
being arrogant, too clever for my own gooood
so pessimistic, so masochistic
so rejected, so rejecting
a shame
a dishonour

when you say i love you, i may feel it
when you say i hate you, i feel it

a big lie wouldn't make me imagine someone's my bolster

to kill
...............................................................................

to kill
to disappoint

i just wish i can die
so, hate me
hate gays. gays should die
paedophiles should die
beguiled youths should die
misfits should die

to cry.
crying makes me feel good
i don't know why i'm so masochistic
must be the effect of years of rejection and hurt
pain and longing

i'm a fake
a cheat
a thief
a murderer
as i have said, i feel good in two ways: love or hurt. i'm reducing to the hedonistic way of life. please. just love me. or hate me.
Samuel

Labels: 09term2, iwnwil, messedup, styh

Hundred-twenty-second Post: >.< x)

my venven said that if he didn't have to travel abroad so much, he would say yes to be my boyfriend!

Didi...... If you wouldn't need to travel abroad so much, would you say yes >.<

...will . will der . i dont know la , ive never felt the slightest bit inclined to please a guy before , but something about you just intrigues me . you make me question my sexuality ; you drive me crazy .

went out to meet yaoming korkor
so nice >.<
chatted with him... spent >50% of the time lying on the bench, head on his lap......
he played wif my nose... sayang-ed me...
just talked......
i went "korkor...", "korkor dont angrie..." bleahs
coz sometimes i went abit nottie and he turned abit angrie >.< )';
hugged him loads
love kor loads too >.<


Samuel

Labels: 09term2, iwnwil

Hundred-seventh Post

i do love my friends
i do love my familie
i do love God............

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

i'm in love with another boi @@ another knife in your heart?
xiaomoguix...... haha
i miss the past ~.~

saw jiaying's bf O.O
and saw alvin didi =x so guai~
xmg also so guai~

today fb at cyberera, wah rename keep on losing to other fam x.x
then we won some fam xD say i hack -.-
12fie~ what can u expect =x
sammel sounds logical xD

i saw paopaocha play 12fie x.x so pro!
and xmg's Antidote =o didnt know @@
and i saw buibui :O
and sat beside domokunn aka rhelett again xD

sammel, nai and i were at cyberera =x haha...
8 dollars to become a member, with 5 complimentary hours =o
used up 4hours+ x.x

haha, my 8k there totallie sarrrrrrrrks



we took the bus to bedok mrt xD
took a train x.x bye nai =x
sam and i had icecream sundae x.x the countergal was nice =)


home~ sweet~ home~

Samuel

Labels: ~ISOLATION~, 09start, cyberera, imeem, iwnwil

Eighty-seventh Post

hi people xD

long time no blog~

wah i'm so tired i slept till 12.30am to type this line ._.

anyway, some pictures...







what else? i french kissed someone x.x
cam jo-ed... first time x.x kekeke...... @_@
kk, byebye x.x friday... must hand in quite some. no time D:

Samuel

Labels: 09start, iwnwil

Eighty-fourth Post: Chinese New Year Celebrations

hi people.

today... chinese new year celebrations in school ^^
didnt reallie sleep... so was dozing off super in LT4...... haha

got dont forget the lyrics... some were super screwed up xD
hmm... concert... okay la. didnt know ryan mak from 4p1 is in wushu <.<
graceful and elegant~

yadayada. blahblahblah. then over. then saw someone.
then rendezvous with 2E'07 @@
went...... bukit timah plaza together xD
makan kfc~ yum ^^
haha... then we all went... irc......
just reminds me of the past...
anyway, didnt know school uniform can enter <.<
and so many hci people thr ._________.

played some pool at some other place~ then taiti xD i OWNNNNNNNNNN xD
xunda damn pro at pool la ._. so is jingdong

hmm... after some time, we all dispersed... or at least brian and i were going in a similar direction......
talked to him about myself.............................................................
thanks for the slurpee...

overslept on a 74... leg cramps @_@
struggled to mjs...
ms toh remembers me :O
haha ^^
so we all... sit with her in the canteen... she bought us all drinks.
soon, gtg @_@ so 再见了，新年快乐！

slacked at the playground above dexus with joseph and...... filbert.
haha... got a boi......
and a paedo -.- a 15/16yo paedo. fucker, the victim talked about "i nvr pinch ur c___ lor"
cbk, and he even used his limbs to try to...... disable the kids. seeing such things just enrages me. xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

went down soonafter... no chance to get to know about the boi. coz he gtg. hais...
dexus hor... kena bullied ~_~
tralala. saw junhao didi ^^ and gregorie.
then sleepie...... then crawled up. bye teachers xD have fun, ms wong~ she's going korea xD
home...... audi. l4d. etc.. yada yada. dunnoe why always dc de
and i super own in audi. haha......

---

my heart hurts now lor. for some reason......
dunnoe la... maybe it's just human to be materialistic.
and human to be arrogant when one is sought after......

hais.......................................................... 心痛
reallie )';

wonder what to do now...... 死了
maybe go cycling...... sobsob, 他不要我 )';
我的心现在真的很痛！D';

Samuel


Heaven

Labels: 09start, audition, dexus, imeem, iwnwil, l4d, mjs, sad, 新年快乐

Eighty-third Post

today was a great day xD

paid attention during IHE~
IHC~

assembly... geez, slept a bit <.<

then... chinese test ~_~

then maths =o @_@

then... PHYSICS makan session xD
yum~ got kfc, pizza hut......
even mr low and mrs giam were invited xD
mr tieu reminding the class... i kept on laughing xDDDDDDDDDDDD
so... i was the first to take the giant drumstick @_@
mr low pat my shoulder say i smart xD
eat some stickie, melted sweets... wan to puke <.<
then xiaobin say i very "generous" D: my sister eat all the cheese 旺旺 la ):
a little physical contact with brian......
eat......... eat........ we had fun ^^
the main thing is not about filling our stomachs BUT ABOUT EATING TOGETHER
etc. etc....
mr low say will treat us even more lavishly if we hit our term 1 msg target LOL
then mrs giam for term 2.
possible? hahaha..............................................
^^ it was nice while it lasted...

went moelc~ woo first lesson @_@
hmm... 我还不赖哦！

saw boys in bishan... think think think...
anyway, makan with aunt xD still thirstie...

on the bus got 3 DAMN LOUD and noisie people... ~_~
hmm............ 我看起来好老哦

home now...

still thirstie......

Samuel

Labels: 09start, german, iwnwil

Seventy-sixth Post

i called yaoming korkor house phone at 1am+ 2am+ ba
then talk talk talk...... reminds me of alfred.
haha. korkor~ korkor~ korkor~ korkor~ korkor~ >.< ):
nice lor x) hais... too bad ~_~

then fell asleep @_@

wake up ask dad bring me to school xD

take sec4 photo o.O
then dr hon talk to our class.
then ihc............................................. ~_____~

double chemistrie @_@ fun xD
i think

then double h.chinese @_@
1 hour 20mins of talking. about geographie. and. politics?

double physics~ i need time @_@
i absorb slowly. i dont like physics lor ~_~ geez.

do homework lalala

go home ~_~

took a 156. then. D:
>.< ! T_T
you know? i typed this. on my phone. i want to show him de ):
"May i lie against you? >.< i very tired also"

i was sitting beside him at the back of the bus...... ):
>.< T_T

reached home. bro was using com so i went to sleeeeeeeeeep

then wake up. slept from around 5 to 8++ i think

taught my sister maths. i am an impatient idiot ~_~

cannot call yaoming korkor le ): he not allowed @_@
so. things.

so things like. talking to him on the phone.
and sitting beside a boy. are moments which i reallie enjoy. and should treasure.
it was nice while it lasted......

(and the 2009 batch of jc1s of njc are FREAKING SHORT ._________________.)

Samuel


When Im Gone (Acoustic Version) - Simple Plan

Labels: 09start, iwnwil

Seventieth Post

life has a lot of lessons
and people are just mirrors of ourselves.
people are hybrids of others. ourselves.
we are human. we are people.
sorry jiaying
and.

shuai ge ):

had a nice dream.
but for what ne? dream lor. another realm. virtual. not real(istic)
reallie makes me feel good. hugging a shuai korkor who wants me x)

x)

x)!!!!!!

it was nice while it lasted......

hmm... first week of school is quite screwed up.
God, please bless us all

Samuel

Labels: 09start, iwnwil