Three-hundred-thirty-second Post

it hurts so much to think that what i only have of you left are thoughts of you, a scan of your letter and our chatlogs
i can't move on. i don't want to move on x(

i begged someone to get your pristine e-mail address off the blacklist of her blogshop because you didn't eventually buy some lenses

I DONT KNOW. I WAS SO BROKEN. MY LIFE NEVER SEEMED TO HAVE HOPE
my throat's choking in pain x(
i'll do anything. i'll be your slave or dog.
Please reappear......
14 days ago. I know you are still around but i really wish you would talk to me
i wouldnt mean to be rude or stupid, incorrigible or a waste of your time
i wouldnt mean to hurt you or do anything bad
it must have been a fucking shame for you

i dreamt about you. it's the best dream ever.
i dreamt i was an l4d special infected with a group of fellow special infected at a hotel somewhere in the world.
we moved around the corridors covertly...... we tried to eat people
i went to a splendid room with three bejeweled bathtubs and we wanted to bathe but there's no water. we moved around some more and suddenly one of us went down to eat people. it alerted the crowd and they were after us. we tried to run and i tried to kill some by pouncing on them but it was of no use

i was at some grand hotel where there was a buffet...... it was all-you-can-eat
and must have been some food hotel because the food items were of many different cuisines.
i cannot remember exactly what happened but i had a feeling you were around
of all places in the world you travel, you were right here in the same building
i saw huncheng that molester. you must have known him...... i looked around for you and finally i saw you.
it had to be you. it was such a stark resemblence -- your looks, your height, your niceness...... you were with huncheng but you stuck with me. thank God
you went onto me and started to do what the green-haired guy did @@
it felt so good...... even in the dream, the feeling felt so real @@
i saw everything............ we really loved each other

i saw your abs and i remembered steph saying she can't stop looking at your abs so i asked while touching them
"how did you get your abs?" xD
"it's normal de......"
"then mine also normal de" xP

you followed me...... we were at the area near hougang mrt station. i suggested you came home with me because it was near serangoon where you must have stayed
it was near chompchomp which was a walkable distance away, from serangoon that is
you agreed...... we're finally gonna live together (;

we were walking around some hdb flats...... those white colour near hougang mall de. then got someone suddenlie talk to you O: he spoke japanese and u talked to him in japanese. i was so amazed by you xD

we were at bishan/serangoon mrt station...... we saw pim and sarah and co. on the train
grace and co. waved to them but did not exit the gate
they were trapped between the train and the glass door...... i tried to pry the gates open. i succeeded but it was enforced with electromagnets......

they were rescued. but you suddenly disappeared.
i went to look for you around stations...... but to no avail
my perception turned 3rd-person and my vision became warp

i have lost you x(

i woke up and i wanted to sleep again to look for you but chances are i will never see you again

It hurts so much
You've become a part of me
Please, help me alleviate this pain. Please!
do whatever. i promise you i will not kill myself. Please!
Do whatever. I promise you i will not hurt myself. I promise you.
I Promise you. I promise you I will not hurt myself.
Do anything but ignore me, please!
Could you give me a chance? I never hated you. I'm sorry.
I will be a good boy like I should be
I can't stand the surge of the thought that it's all impossible
Let me cry in front of you, in your arms. I wanna do that

I love you, I love you. I pray you are doing well in life.
You'll always be in my thoughts. constantly. hughug x(

25072010152700

<sub>What is/was in my mind......

i'm aloof when the situation calls for attention
live for the dreams. unmaterialised thoughts.

the deadliness of words. should i kill people with words......
or be a supposedly nice person and just bear with it

do i reallie have asperger? )';

punishment

i'm not getting things right

i know i've been dragging time on my part
but your total insensitivity and lack of empathy just make me want to give up

what's more important, orchard central or my well-being?

why should i smile... it's not for anyone

lol, no one understands.


i know. should i just go out with someone i dont know very well
and expose all my hidden depression. someone who is younger than me
expecting that he would understand when he wont because he has problems of his own?
should i call for help hoping she would understand and protect me holistically
so that i would feel safe from the start to the end
hoping she would not pressure me

you know what love is
it's an unconditional bond.
it is forgiving.
it is being honest and truthful

i know for sure someone has it
x)

Samuel</sub>

Labels: 10term3, dreams, heartache, iwnwil, 너

Three-hundred-thirty-first Post

ahnraspundseef deek een de fem
deak. LOL

keedeeng la

enneewei, tudei het mai A-level H1 Chinese Listening Comprehension exam x__x
which was reallie tuff >:

soh hurd...... ai soh wunt en A fur mai H1 Chinese ):

neewei, tudei also het mai german comprehension test......
ich finde ihn okay. machbar. o_o

ahm hohm nau

baibai ;D

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, alevels, german, test(s)

Three-hundred-thirtieth Post

ich sollte nicht

feel like just resting......

keep your ghost with me always )';
always inside me
ti penso sempre

ha ha ha

Samuel

Labels: 10term3

Three-hundred-twenty-ninth Post

i dont know but you guys prollie dont know what it means to me
how much it means to me

stupid samuel )';

it's my fault. i shouldnt have perpetrated
it's for my stupid thoughts

then again, i do receive shocks now and then...... shocks that surge feelings of sadness
nonchalance plagued me recentlie. perhaps not yet 24 hours

i wish i should just fixate my thoughts on you

Samuel

Labels: 10term3

Three-hundred-twenty-eighth Post

hah~

looks like i've been impressing
:\ maybe i shouldn't have

.....................................................................................



definitelie
once, a thought shocked me throughout
sadness surged like electricitie
.....................................................................................

)'; Anything for you.

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, musicvideo

Three-hundred-twenty-seventh Post

thinking about death
about an empty bed
an empty room
empty space

.....................................................................................

it's all changed. no more. no more......
no longer with us
no longer laughing with us
no longer cooking with love
no longer anticipating when we collect our results
no longer smiling when we have dinner x(
no longer singing happy birthday
no longer speaking wisdom......

I told Him that all I ever wanted was that they get to have grandchildren before they leave

es bricht mein Herz

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, sad

Three-hundred-twenty-sixth Post

hi~ today i had my 'A' level H1 Chinese Oral exams! :D
it sarked my ____________________________ butt
anyway, the teacher kinda resembled 卓老师
好想念小学时的华文课……

然后呢，今天的体育课教的是救生！好好玩哦！


太好玩了 :D


i wonder what people would say if i answered their "why?" questions about something DEPRESSING
maybe for the sake of asking o_O 我不晓得

T__________T

还有，我想要说。incorrigible.
华文翻译也就死性不改。

的确的，这一代的青少年好像出了一些问题。
有的人待人虚伪，表里不一
有的人够瞎眼，沉浸在幼稚、无意义的思想中
我真感到无奈。你们到底几时会觉悟到、几时才会从愚蠢虚拟的梦中醒过来？
请睁大眼睛看看真相，张开耳朵听听有经验人士的劝告，把无知浅薄的心态抛到九霄云外！

i feel verie :s typing this LOL

头疼头疼……也许我应该袖手旁观，让你们自生自灭。
听懂吗？

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, alevels

Three-hundred-twenty-fifth Post

hello~

yesterday (5 Julie 2010), i woke up at 1045 hours
i was supposed to meet lumi, chinghan and peisheng at hougang plaza at 1030 >: coz i'm supposed to join them for pool >:
but i lazed around sommore till 11pm then left the house =x

so i took 101 to hougang mrt there... it costed 30¢

and i think the new public transportation fare sucks. -__________-
it got cheaper for short distances. but long distances...........................

anyway, i walked to hougang plaza there and entered the pool area >: how i wish it was a swimming pool LOL
i saw them ;D then watched peisheng and lumi showdown...... and lumi lost >:
:X actuallie the game was forfeited coz the VIP wanted to play liao

so first chinghan and i teamed up against the two newbies :B
and who won? and who was the MVP? "most valuable player"
lalalalalala~


mr chinghan <:
afterwards, i teamed up against lumi >: poor lumi, noone taught him how to play >:
>: what friends hor. kidding =x

then i teamed up against peisheng >: and WE WON MUAHAHAHAHA XDDDDDD
almost lost sia, but i turned the tables and won ;D

then peisheng wanted to 1v1 me <:
we played a while then decided to play next time coz chinghan and lumi screwed up the game >: kidding =x
so lumi and i chatted while the two of them played~ lalala

then we went to pay for the table usage. i had to pay >:

we went to hougang mall kopitiam to eat ;D i topped up lumi's kopitiam card o_o i inserted $2 but $3 was topped up O.O LOL
i then inserted another $2 note but then onlie topped up $2 >:
nevertheless, earned 1 dollar =x
so i managed to pay 20¢ less for my Singapore Laksa o_O
while lumi earned $1.20 in value in his kopitiam card ;D


peisheng: come gimme a kiss *mua*
lumi: i kissed him and this was what happened to me *paralysed*
LOL

what nice, magenta lips! LOL

this is the colour of magenta. middle-click the pic and compare >:

afterwards, we went to ntuc at b1 to buy some stuff.
chinghan bought bread. LOL

we went to hougang bus interchange O: and chinghan, to my pleasant surprise, said "bye kor"
or did i hear wronglie >: but WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL

so i wanted to send lumi off first >: but then bus 27 came and the other two were off >: so i couldnt send them off after i sent lumi off >:

i walked home afterwards

thanks for the day =x

Samuel

p.s. HAPPIE BIRTHDAY MR CASPER :B i want kasper icecream >:today

Labels: 10term3, happiebirthday, pool

Three-hundred-twenty-third Post

hi~

just reached home xP

today, grace, yaxian, grace's friend (angelea), sammel and i went to PANDA'S HOUSE :B
he's so nice you know


blur picture of grace, angelea and yaxian =x

nice face =x
i taught the girls how to play poker :B and yaxian totallie owned larhs......
why so pro?

panda also treated us macdonalds
costed quite a bomb >: BUT I TELL YOU, IT'S LECKER
which means DELICIOUS in german =x

had macflurrie, apple pie, fries, iced milo...... yumyum

totallie delicious. THANK YOU PANDA

we played some audi.................. (so boring =x)
played beatupmania on his desktop O.O
fun sia :B
also tried 8k 12pt......... it's a bit hard >:

saw his cute little sister :B 너무 可愛いね！
played with her awhile =x boo!

at around 8++, we went out to makan
had a $5 plate of fried hokkien mee @@
and some carrot cake :B

father sent pirates home too! he came at dunnoe what time...... maybe 5+ or 6+ o_o

AND NOW WE ARE BACK :B I LOVE YOU ALL < DD

Samuel and i wanna play strip poker >:

Labels: 10term3, isoouting

Three-hundred-twenty-second Post

today, i woke up at 9.30 am
and i quicklie changed into a pair of jeans and my german shirt @@

took 101 to hougang mrt and then took the train to stadium........
my G, what a long wait for public transport

reached there at 10.30 am, same time as a few of them O.O
yea, so we all went to Kallang Leisure Park for our GEMS :D
GEMS is like some class activity where we all learn to do something new
like ice-skating

MY G WE ARE GOING TO KALLING ICE-SKATING RINK @@
HAHAHAHAHAHA

my G, it was so fun! SO FUN RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
it was my second time ice-skating......
and THIS time, i could skate ;D
i could like skate quicklie....................... muahahaha

i kinda taught mr hongkee how to iceskate :s left-right-left-right xD

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ fell down a few times.
but the real injuries are the freaking blisters
and abrasions
from the freaking small ice-skates
my G, the pain
i have 8 wounds -__________- 4 giant blisters filled with whatever liquid..........
and then 4 patches of exposed flesh
so painful ;___;

we all had fun! i ice-skated till tired @@ dehydrated
and was reallie hungrie );

we skated for two hours...... my G, so fun *-*

afterwards, we went to pastamania on the ground floor for lunch :B yumyum ;D
YUMMMMMYUMMMMMMM ;D
had lots of laughs
and some pasta @@ my hurting stomach )';

after eating, we went to the arcade! we played the basketball game.......
and the mini version. xunda could just slamdunk sia LOL!

we all also played daytona! LOLOL
there was mayhem............................... it was so hilarious xD
seeing meiqi being frantic about the machine LOL
totallie. farnie.....................................................................

soon, we managed to have a 6-people race :s
i came in 2nd! GRRRRRRRRRRR ;___;

then, we all decided to go home ;D
we all dispersed. while inez, chyan wen, hong kee, nicholas sim, daniel, xunda and i went to take the mrt home
it was raining >: then had a few puddles of dirtie water >:
and inez ran and fell down badlie >;

i rode on the circle line till marymount when everyone had gone off
then rode back to serangoon and took 101 home :s

xDD

tadah~

sammel is now at my house. he wanted to play www.hotel626.com with me >: so scarie ;___;

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, classouting, fun, iceskating, pastamania

Three-hundred-twenty-first Post

today was the last day of block tests x)

screwed up chemistrie badlie...... )';
gonna disappoint ms chua greatlie :\

for chinese............................ i thought it was doable :\
................................................. x)

after chinese, we all went to meiqi's house......................

Oh My God

it's the biggest house i've ever seen

原来新闻所说的一位新传媒演员所居住的地方就是这里？世界好奇妙啊……
真是无法相信

anyway, i've finallie seen a real toilet with glass walls
totallie transparent
totallie.........................
so if you're bathing, better lock the room door otherwise any barging stephanie can totallie intrude on your privacie........................................

x) wouldn't you be damn seksie

anyway, we totallie had fun at her house
there were people playing pool, people playing mahjong with this totallie awesome automated table which arranges the tiles nicelie o_O
so cool la............
first time see

also first time i see such a ___________________ house
first time i played poker, too!
SO FUN :B NEXT TIME CAN PLAY STRIP POKER LE :B

I WON LIKE A LOT OF CHIPS :D YAY

we had canadian pizza afterwards............... yumyum
watched a bit of the simpsons and then familie guy
.......... okay la.
totallie just chillllllllllllllled after block tests
what a damn nice house ):

meiqi walked us to the nearby busstop...... there, churnhoe and i took a cab to eunos o_o
i took thr mrt to serangoon then took 101 home................... oh, so tired

i'm home x)

there was yummie japanese food. YUMYUM LARHS
and then going to have some soup ^^

ciao~ tmr is GEMS :D
which is some class outing, to kallang ice-skating rink!
Samuel

Labels: 10term3, exams, firsttime

Three-hundred-twentieth Post

you kenot
you kenot imagine the pain i'm going through.
they call it hyperreflexia i wonder if that's what i have
then again, you kenot imagine the contempt i have
bad, isn't it

anyway, it's exam week
they call it BLOCK TESTS here
what a term o_O it's mid-year exams lor. or just exams. ~.~

maybe it's some spastic workup again. happens now and then it seems o_O

for the record, it's the second time you said i look uglie
the first time you said otherwise after a while
i wish there is some magical palm that will slap away the impulsiveness

maybe it reallie is information overload. my head WRECKSTHROBSTHUMPSHURTS
anyway, it was GP paper today. didnt finish my paper 1
but it's reallie okay. gotta improve

i don't know why but i can't wait to see people bound for FAILURE
thanks for the LAWL :D SERVES YOU RIGHT
the kiddie terms known as "stead" and "patch" totallie irk me
make me feel like puking
definitely. serves you right

maybe my mind is severelie contaminated, that's why it hurts like mad
defiled
corrupted
.....................................................................................

_{but death seems so attractive )';}

Samuel

Labels: 10term3, exams, firstdayofschool, musicvideo