Four-hundred-eighty-third Post

i'm not sure how you'll take it, but......

i'm reallie digging this chap (whom i blogged about)

i came to realise how he is reallie like steven, even though i thought he'd be the steven who hadn't turned out the way he would have

I think he's out of my league. He's so awesome, he's so strong, he traverses obstacles and scales walls
he figures out his way in editing videos
he plays the piano

he's just so skilled. he's also so smart


to be honest, i was rather disappointed that i couldn't get to cycle with him yesterday, and that he took eight hours to "update me" on whether he's meeting me to cycle (and i waited in vain eventuallie), and that he ignored the question of whether he could cycle with me later today. i was rather upset too and wanted to vent my frustrations on my blog, but i found out about some things about him
that brought to me the humanity in him
the sentient boy that he is
what he has gone through
what he has done
and i felt guilt for being so impatient and not understanding
and in one fell swoop, i deleted my angrie post and replaced it with this


he's too precious; he's too attractive
i just wish he could let me take care of him
he's out of my league, though, like steven
so...... i'm feeling down about my chances

i'm glad i managed to influence him slightlie to stop certain activities, though. i'm glad that he was obedient
i'm wondering if he's keeping the card well. i don't suppose he'd receive something full of time and effort in the near future, would he?

if you're reading this, i want to own you. i want you to be mine and no one else's. your past and present compel me to care for you, and i want to.

............

i wish i were like them. i wish i had someone who knew me and wanted to care for me too. someone who wants to be with me always, someone who thinks of me always, someone who would make me admit that i never had the slightest urge to please a guy before, someone who would make me go crazie as steven had once said to me...


okayy . i guess i'm verging on being sickly creepie . i'm sure someone would understand......

Samuel

p.s. haters, please leave me alone. live and let live.

Labels: 14unilife, thoughts