Four-hundred-ninety-third Post

hello ^^

life of an addict is tough...
what constitutes an addiction?
an addiction is a compulsion to engage in a certain behaviour, often harmful and disruptive of the proceedings of daily life.
a matter closely related to addiction is withdrawal. that is when your body is "making noise" and you feel extremely uncomfortable to the point that you're compelled to engage in the said behaviour in order to satisfy your body. or your mind.

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talks about homosexualitie with nicholas, joshua simon and syahir recently have made me think about religion and homomomolity. and of course that jerric doesn't even know what he's talking about. he ought to substantiate baseless claims of what is considered "uncalled for", otherwise i know he's just wasting my time. fancie him commenting on my post when he has conveniently and uncompassionately chosen not to reply Facebook messages.

anyway, addiction... it kinda is like a tripping stone. it's an impediment for me to leave this sinful lifestyle
every time withdrawal comes knocking at my door, i feel extremely restless and uncomfortable internallie — accelerated heart rate, throbbing blood vessels, sick, immoral thoughts inundate my thinking
every time i relent and expose myself to stimulants, it's just like the floodgates of pleasure just opened. floodgates is a very apt description.
and then i restart at square 1 again. it's a cycle, a never-ending cycle......

beyond the debate on topics on homomomo, i think the pertinent issue is what God thinks of us. Those who believe in God ought to fear Him and not disobey Him. that people disobey him is a signal that they do not fear Him. i think that's a simple explanation

so, is the way i'm living my life now pleasing to God? or am i inviting His wrath for knowingly disobeying Him?
death... eternal suffering in hell. there's no way we could fathom that. the senses of human beings are so slow that we cannot conceptualise what eternal suffering is.

i know in my gut that i have rather high standards, and that must be inspired and enlightened by God. high standards prevent us from falling short better.
IF ONLY I COULD LEAVE AND FOLLOW THESE STANDARDS. my parents would be honoured. God would be honoured.
hais...............................................................

God, please do not give me up to my sinful desires. May I continue to find no joy in the depravity of sinful relationships. God, You know that I do not feel like saying some things. Is this a deep-seeded evil inertia planted by Satan years ago? This buried unwillingness to leave. The unwillingness to return to the right path. God, I want to be a pleasure in Your eyes. I want to be certified "good man" that You can be proud of despite my shortcomings but not my transgressions. May I retain an inner peace and wisdom to handle future situations despite antagonism and schemes of others, so that I may be pleasing in Your eyes and thereby honour You. In Your beloved Name, Amen.

Samuel

Labels: 2015, prayer