Eighty-fifth Post

hi people ^^

went changi airport t3...... first time coming here =o
ate at 旺café xD
haha... chicken macaroni... then set 1 =o
got tea, 2 half-boiled eggs, 2 slices of... kaya butter toast.................
cousin kope one... tsk tsk.
then i kope back =x
great aunt is nice......
my nephew damn noisie... cry cry cry
result of too much attention given...
like my sister, too much... pampering...

yada yada...... then we all went swensen's...
makan ^^ had the walnut choco thing... whatever la.
but they pour the thang on the hotplate ^^ 好好吃哦！=D
yumyum ^^
but felt sick after eating ~_~ not used to concentrated sweet stuff @_@

haha... then send my cousin off~ she's going to holland for an exchange programme... 6 months! @@

took cousin's car home...

soon home =D

then msn....................... very sad things happened.
del-ed off some people coz i cant get what i want from them.
maybe coz they're occupied. or they are just humans to be arrogant, to be sought-after. it's like if there were to be a conversation, it must be initiated by ME and not HIM.
dont reallie care though. and... how does it feel when you reallie like someone?
i know. it's human arrogance.
and the intelligence behind it.
it's like me. looking for korkor on friendster. but when one comes, i reject. stupid.
_______________________________________________________________ dont reallie want to care

what's wrong with me? why doesnt he want me.......................
....................................................................... it's like condescending. i might not be as goodlooking, but i own him in IQ. maybe i'm nicer. AND I AM PATHETIC AND SUBMISSIVE when it comes to a korkor. an intimate r/s
what inhibited? his arrogance? intelligence.
maybe i'm also wasting time. 1992 are bad people.

i switched the computer off and locked myself in my room.

TO CRY.

used coarse language on mom and sister. God-damn myself.
cry. cry. now got four people: kennie, weikang, alfred, delon
maybe i should include yaoming too. i think you wouldn't bother wanting me.
respecting my choice? or whatever of that ilk. ALL RUBBISH. i dont take that.
so there are five people?
sure. AND THINKING OF OTHERS. younger. older.
whomever i've hurt. whomever i've showed that i dare to do things. like sending an online police report about a paedophile _|_ fucker

what happened? i turned suicidal.
:D SUICIDAL, AND I MEAN IT
maybe onlie when i'm dead, some people can cry. can die. can think about what if. they said yes. etc..
condescending................................................ dont know.
I KNOW. good for you, i'll be a scar in your life.

i dont want any intervention. too much of it drove me back. i dont want any. happier year my foot....................................................
..................................................

i think by disappearing, it will bring much ultimate happiness to my school. to individuals. though my familie might be scarred forever. i dont want to care.
maybe God wouldnt accept me into heaven. then i can onlie burn in hell, suffer every second in excruciating pain. etc..

good wad. noone will ever pester you and etc.
i've become a nothing.

my heart hurt badly.
maybe it just takes that one step back to re-accept. to make people reallie happie.
unless they are reallie voided of feelings. of INTEREST.

so tired. so hurt.
so unwanted. so painful.
i wish i'm dead. but i'm a bit scared. i dont want any fucking counseling.
if i'm gonna kill myself, i make sure i reallie kill myself.
save the jail. handcuffed in my coffin... while people will not go for my funeral.
while people still criticise me.

why live? )';

Samuel

Labels: 09start, cry, firsttime