Hundred-thirty-first Post

4444 messages in my inbox
ominous
it's probably not potent
these words were said against me:

terrible.
make use of someone.
betray trust.

disturbed.

disturbing
absurd
bizzare

not friends anymore?

it scares
it hurts
it drives

coupled with relationship problems

i cant smile

i am feeling hurt
its tangible
i'm almost tearing
though they say seek professional assistance if accidentally ingested.
it will be a wretched day. in 7 hours time.

---

i cannot respond at all.
steven )'x i reallie loved you

---

suicidal. i should go to hell.

it's either nonchalance or hurt

---

THINK OF THE 5-ROOM FLAT WITH FOUR PEOPLE
THINK OF THE EMPTY BED
THINK OF THE PIECES OF PAPER WITH "Samuel Tan" ON IT
look at the unworn shoes
look at the computer.
look at the pictures of the past with me in it.

think of the coffin
in it lies a criminal, handcuffed
hated by people.

---

I don't know. Having relationship problems with someone i like. I don't know. I don't know. I so wish the ponstan had killed me one year ago. I don't wish to be living. I want to cry and feel good. I'm sorry. Please don't reply. I need solitude

Samuel

I WANT TO KILLLLLLLL I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO HURT
BECAUSE I WAS HURT and KILLED

---

THERE'S STRONG INTERNAL CONFLICT WITHIN ME
it just pains me greatly
i wonder why i take death so lightly


this looks reallie scarie.
may contain HCl and NaOH to regulate pH

i am onlie wondering if i should drink it
and when i should drink it

the consequences? the actions of my beloved, poor mother?

i cannot garner your pity or whatever......

Labels: 09term2, m, messedup