Four-hundred-twenty-ninth Post

i was reflecting in the shower
thinking about why i am this way
why!

and thinking about what i want
i think i know what i want
whenever i think about people whom i had developed an emotional attachment to who brutally, perhaps one of whom necessarily, just chopped this tie away and left my heart to bleed, i know for sure they, or what they could provide, were what i wanted.

even after so long (?), it hurts whenever i think about them.

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i was in emotional distress just now <.< i was "possessed" and almost did things that went against my principles. i almost defiled my phone.

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it just seems that with this thing that i want, hopefully when i get enough of it, i can give it up. give up this life entirely.

i want affection from someone older. c'mon, i'm not too bad-looking, i'm not uneducated, although i am socially unable......

and this is in the emotional realm. based in the emotional realm.

this yearning for years......

i don't wish to subscribe to the general way of doing things. i don't belong to the general section. i'm more than that.
it hurts )';

anyway, i'm thankful for beloved brothers in Christ who are here for me for the righteous thing. thank you all. thank you for your love. thank you, friends, who also love me. without your support, i would probably just crash and burn... and i don't mean support what i do. i mean supporting me when i feel depressed and shit

thank You that i am still alive. thank You for Your love.

Samuel

Labels: 12unilife