Four-hundred-twenty-seventh Post

okay, so i thought i should post after studying for a while. been studying...
i never thought i would actually borrow a thick textbook out of a science library and study the content...... for the same content taught during lecture, i could have learnt and understood better from the textbook <.< blardie hell......

anyway, about me. i'm still hurt from the loss of my phone thanks to an immoral thief.

what's worse is that i've been feeling hurt this week.

the depressed kind of hurt. the suicidal ~.~ kind of hurt. yet i thank God i am still alive

it's more than relationship problems if there even officially exists one.
it's how there is a lack of understanding. it feels like jc again. that sad social life.

the korean lecturer was prettie mean yesterday (18 Sep). I just walked away from her sarcasm and indifference.
i went "fine" in my head. "fine. i can rely on myself."
"fine, i don't need you"
i choose not to allow my interest to be callously slaughtered.

i don't fit in here. life is terrible. there's also no one to fall back on.
there's always misunderstanding. no effort made to clear them. fine. i don't care either.

terrible feeling................. terrible, terrible feeling
it weakens my heart, affects my dental health......


i see how adam young, the force behind owl city, shares a condition that i have. i see his awkward face in his latest video with carly rae jespen...
how forced he might have been
i feel some comfort, but...... i wish not to share this condition

i am so fucking in pain. emotional pain as you might have guessed
i shall not turn to the ugly, sinful company for comfort. back off.

sad sam...... .......................................................................
i'm in urgent need of emotional support, otherwise i may be forced into masochism again. so hurt so hurt so hurt so hurt so hurt x(
x( x( x( x( x( x( x(

can't i just fucking die?

Labels: 12unilife, sad