Four-hundred-thirty-second Post

i hate how i crumble every time i feel not just sad, but hurt and heartbroken

i thought things were going well.
i can't type properlie.
happie times. not the past, but the recent time we interacted with each other.
in real life and over the telephone

do you reallie have no more feelings for me anymore? do you reallie not like me anymore?

are you absolutelie certain you have moved on?

even steven didn't. steven didn't move on. steven did, though, in the end.

are you absolutelie certain that you have no more feelings for me? are you that good? did i mean nothing?

lol i'm back in my vicious cycle. i know i'm structured based on the support of others. i need other people to lift me from the mud. you must hate that i'm in the mud. but i was getting out of it a few days ago before you caused me to plummet and sink into the mud again.

i should move on, right? i can't kill those feelings for you. to neutralise them, i think i'll need to hate you. i need to be a heartless fucker who shall no longer give a shit about your situation. i shall leave you be and let you rot. other people may be using your photos for malicious purposes WHICH YOU DO NOT KNOW OF, but i shall not give a shit. that's your own fucking problem. must it boil down to this sort of treatment of the situation in order for me to move on?

i'll most probablie hurt you, but it's to make you hate me too. you have no more feelings for me anyway, right? so you won't feel hurt. instead, you'll feel angrie. that's when i know you trulie have no more feelings for me, and i can move on.
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it's sad how things have to come to this. i didn't want this to happen, but i'm out of choices.

honestly, i'm thinking hard of how i should substantiate my actions. will i be like yong kiong? but you won't gaf anyway. i'm not a normal friend. lol.

and fuck all you people who type Lol to me. show your disdain or speechlessness elsewhere, not in my face.

and people who ask questions without question marks, FUCK YOU IF YOU AREN'T INTERESTED IN ASKING ANYWAY. ZIP YOUR FEIGNED INTEREST.

but if you guys do so without those intentions as mentioned, then all these aren't directed at you ^_^ so let your conscience do the talking.

move on, right? i guess after publishing this blog post, i will.

because that's when i clear all ambiguity and confront all the unanswered questions. i answer those questions myself. "do you still have feelings for me?"
"am i reallie a normal friend?"
"are you actuallie still interested in guys but you don't want rejected goods?"

whatever. none of my business.

i wonder if i have become like lawrence, though. heartless fucking bastard.

and i must be tired.

Samuel
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Labels: 12unilife