Four-hundred-fifty-third Post

i've been living verie negativelie for a few years now. it has to do with how i perceive myself.

EVERY SINGLE TIME i feel hurt emotionally by other guys or am rejected, i never fail to say "i'm ugly".
every single time.

i used to be so good-looking. honestlie i look like crap now. i look like a drug addict. like.



#truesadstory

i don't know. maybe i've brainwashed myself into thinking that most people are superficial. i know that character and maturity also appeal to people. character and maturity are idiosyncratic and should not be looked down upon (sometimes they can be extreme lah), so i don't think they are a real problem. the real problem therefore is the looks.

let's face it.

if i LOOKED like a freaking KAWAII NE!!!!!!!!!!! korean pop star or anyone who is a reallie good-looking enough, surelie the treatment i get from those sissy, ugly bitches would have been different. i mean, who would want to pass up the golden opportunity to get together with a OMG SHO DAMN GOOD-LUKING GAI for your own arrogance? seriouslie. ugly sissy, i don't even want to get into a relationship with you. even a mere friendship is hard to form because you're so unkind towards me. why? because i am not good-looking. yucks. when i think of how you look yourself

i've moved on from being judgmental of how people look. i admit though that there's a devil residing in my mind that derides the looks of some people. it's not a rhetoric excuse, but it's an actual "devil" in the religious sense. it is corrupting me );

i don't judge you based on your looks. instead, i now judge you based on your personality, your treatment towards me, the people around you and far away from you, your principles, your values, your heart. there's a difference between being frank and being unkind. would you rather be overly negative even though you may speak the "ugly truth" as if it reallie existed or i don't know and therefore hurt our relationship, or would you mediate your unkind words and translate them into something that is not necessarilie more pleasing to the ear but is KIND and still has the frankness and truth. what do you value? your pride or friendship?

i have my own life and emotions and i don't need to subject myself to such an unencouraging environment or relationship. i won't let myself be stunted in the positive development of my well-being. truth, i may have to face, but definitelie not your unkindness.


neeway, what attracts people? good looks, niceness and etc.. good looks aren't the absolute factor. consider: a handsome mediacorp teen actor in real life disses his fans. just how repulsive is that? looks aren't the sole factor in the overall attractiveness of a person. suppose we have a kind-hearted and good-looking chap who treats you like a princess but his bane is his advocacy of paedophilia. his morals are wrong. it's best to stay away from him.

yea. i'm giving extreme examples to illustrate the multifaceted constitution of attractiveness.


anyway, while it hurt to be rejected, i'm glad i can still be friends with him ^_^ because he's reallie handsome, smart and nice to me! like TO ME, STYH. of course he's not that "nice" ALL of the time, but i'm glad there are certain times for sure that he IS nice. seriouslie, good-looking, smart and nice? what more can i ask for? NOTHING MORE! okay. maybe emotional affection HAHA
sad that i won't be seeing him for two weeks though :( and sad that he doesn't want me to call him "형"... well, "형" actuallie means something to me. i don't call people korkor easilie... x(
Samuel

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