I LOVE YOU SENIOR )': you're so attractive :( i feel so sad every time we have korean lectures because i sooooooooooo wanna act close to you but i'm afraid you wouldn't like it......
:( :( you were so quiet today too :( 괜찮니? :( 왜 소리도 안 났어?
but you kinda slapped/patted my shoulder today ;D physical touch!
okay. i feel reallie sad :( :( :( :( :( :( i feel sooooooooooo sad sad sad sad sad sad and it's not only because of senior (not your fault...)
i was just thinking of my past (again)
alfred............ well. my tries to find a korkor. all...... crushed....................
and so was my heart
i was so sad i slept from 8+ to 11+ as soon as i returned to my room :\
i accidentallie got my thai worksheets on the filthy floor of my room... so they're all freaking filthy. i washed them in the sink LOL and am leaving them to dry on a dirty bed sheet too. fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggg
sob...... anyway, i'm reallie busy this week... working on both days too, this coming weekend.
busy busy busy! :( and didn't get the number of some blonde guy in working attire when i went to the club last friday lah!
-regrets-
yesterday, i had work at new york new york and GUESS WHAT?
i was 15 minutes late HAHAHAHA (no prize for guessing)
yesterday was the day i screwed up a lot in my waitering HAHAHA
one, i forgot to place additional orders from customers. two, i didn't take back the cutleries and serviettes when only 2 people were dining at a table for four. three, customers began ordering food from parts of the menu i haven't memorised. so, naturally, i didn't know what food was being pushed out of the kitchen to be served -_- HAHAHA the chef was like "WHAT IS THIS?" LOLOLOL
oh yes, i went to work with reallie puffie hair and the outlet manager and full-time waiter were like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! "go out with your friend in the citie like that, can, but when you come to work... *bunch of work-related stuff*" :( but in the end they didn't say anything further about it HAHA
there were two guys who came to dine (around my age or younger) and when i was taking orders for them, they kept on asking me detailed questions like "what is this... chicken mushroom mozzarella melt?" then i had to check with ate emily and then they asked further questions on other dishes... then ate just came over to take over HAHA
THEN HOR, ate told me to get two iced water for them (because they told ate they wanted iced water) and when i brought the iced water over, they said they wanted warm water .__. they are screwing with me lah LOL
when i needed to refill water for them, i made sure i asked them if they wanted to refill first before i brought over the jug -_- otherwise... LOL
neeway, i had this for lunch :B or kinda staff lunch o_O
:D
there was so much rice and dishes for staff lunch that i reallie stuffed myself ._.
neeway, the dishwasher ladie gave me a fish :B blop blop! (fish sound)
HAHAHA
and then, when it was closing time, some customer forgot to take her dabao along or the manager just asked me to take it back... SOOOOOO, WHAT A CATCH TODAY!
but honestlie not verie delicious lah when it's not warmed up LOL :X
i reallie got scolded on my way out T.T coz actuallie i'm not supposed to bring food out and also a menu out LOL (i wanted to memorise it at home but...... candy crush......)
yea. i took 101 back and while i was using my phone (white iphone 4s), some old uncle beside me started talking to me and asking me if i could find out what is wrong with his white samsung phone :X and i couldn't get it started...... then when 101 reached hougang central, some old mother (probablie 40 years coz she had white and grey hair) boarded the bus with a reallie small girl (probablie younger than 5 years old) and this mother was reallie SCREAMING and SHOUTING at 130 decibels at the girl. she was shouting at the girl to shut up (coz she was crying) and she told the girl in chinese that "there was no use in giving birth to her" and even said "cb" -____- seriouslie. the louder she shouted at her to shut up, the more the girl retaliated and the more she cried. the old mother even said she'd throw the girl off the bus.
damn sad. such a conscious girl but she's unloved by this old woman. i was just thinking if she'd turn to outlets outside when she gets older... who knows if she will look for bad guys or even turn lesbian because of her childhood trauma. sad......
alright. i should start memorising the menu now =x otherwise i got a scolding for nothing yesterday night ._.
i've been living verie negativelie for a few years now. it has to do with how i perceive myself.
EVERY SINGLE TIME i feel hurt emotionally by other guys or am rejected, i never fail to say "i'm ugly".
every single time.
i used to be so good-looking. honestlie i look like crap now. i look like a drug addict. like.
#truesadstory
i don't know. maybe i've brainwashed myself into thinking that most people are superficial. i know that character and maturity also appeal to people. character and maturity are idiosyncratic and should not be looked down upon (sometimes they can be extreme lah), so i don't think they are a real problem. the real problem therefore is the looks.
let's face it.
if i LOOKED like a freaking KAWAII NE!!!!!!!!!!! korean pop star or anyone who is a reallie good-looking enough, surelie the treatment i get from those sissy, ugly bitches would have been different. i mean, who would want to pass up the golden opportunity to get together with a OMG SHO DAMN GOOD-LUKING GAI for your own arrogance? seriouslie. ugly sissy, i don't even want to get into a relationship with you. even a mere friendship is hard to form because you're so unkind towards me. why? because i am not good-looking. yucks. when i think of how you look yourself
i've moved on from being judgmental of how people look. i admit though that there's a devil residing in my mind that derides the looks of some people. it's not a rhetoric excuse, but it's an actual "devil" in the religious sense. it is corrupting me );
i don't judge you based on your looks. instead, i now judge you based on your personality, your treatment towards me, the people around you and far away from you, your principles, your values, your heart. there's a difference between being frank and being unkind. would you rather be overly negative even though you may speak the "ugly truth" as if it reallie existed or i don't know and therefore hurt our relationship, or would you mediate your unkind words and translate them into something that is not necessarilie more pleasing to the ear but is KIND and still has the frankness and truth. what do you value? your pride or friendship?
i have my own life and emotions and i don't need to subject myself to such an unencouraging environment or relationship. i won't let myself be stunted in the positive development of my well-being. truth, i may have to face, but definitelie not your unkindness.
neeway, what attracts people? good looks, niceness and etc.. good looks aren't the absolute factor. consider: a handsome mediacorp teen actor in real life disses his fans. just how repulsive is that? looks aren't the sole factor in the overall attractiveness of a person. suppose we have a kind-hearted and good-looking chap who treats you like a princess but his bane is his advocacy of paedophilia. his morals are wrong. it's best to stay away from him.
yea. i'm giving extreme examples to illustrate the multifaceted constitution of attractiveness.
anyway, while it hurt to be rejected, i'm glad i can still be friends with him ^_^ because he's reallie handsome, smart and nice to me! like TO ME, STYH. of course he's not that "nice" ALL of the time, but i'm glad there are certain times for sure that he IS nice. seriouslie, good-looking, smart and nice? what more can i ask for? NOTHING MORE! okay. maybe emotional affection HAHA
sad that i won't be seeing him for two weeks though :( and sad that he doesn't want me to call him "형"... well, "형" actuallie means something to me. i don't call people korkor easilie... x(
Samuel
yesterday at work, it was a rather emotional ride for me...... well, here's why.
today (yesterday, i mean), there was a couple who came to dine. well, the guy...... was reallie handsome. smooth, dark complexion. cool (like reallie cool) demeanor. sweet smile. nice hair. kinda looked like dechathorn but surelie not an ass.
he was reallie charming... when he smiled at me...... it looked so good, you know?!?! LOL
i was kinda afraid the girl (probablie his gf) would become cautious of me...... HAHA.
anyway, it reallie got me thinking...... that i was reallie uglie and unattractive. my sideburns are a little too thick. my flawless face has been disfigured. i can never even be handsome enough to attract people. i'm no longer good-looking......
definitelie freaking unattractive to people like them...... sad.
sooooooooooo, i was reallie feeling depressed while working.
before this, i arrived at NYNY at 1+ pm. and then i'm suddenlie told there's a "split shift" i.e. i'm not to work from 3 pm to 6 pm. i was reallie put off because firstlie, i hate that i'd have nothing to do from 3-6 and i'd be wasting precious time and secondlie, i was not informed AT ALL about such a thing that just compounded to the first point. i was reallie -______- dafoog
my mood was rather ruined (also because i'm not treated verie well at work by ......) and so i sms-ed the outlet manager (who was not present) to complain...... in the end, it was arranged that i was to restart work at 5 pm instead. oh well. in the end, i spent my time memorising some sections of the menu...... which i did successfully ^^
in all that depression, i was wishing so much inside while my heart ached that there was something i could look forward to at the end of the day. i was thinking of my two exbf-es (i've only had four, and i am never ever talking about my first two). but, no, i could never see them again. there was nothing to look forward to.
all i can ever do is to play out my dreams in my thoughts.
anywaylah there was a large group of customers today who were made up of some singaporeans and some koreans. there was this korean man (old uncle) who was like ordering in a funny way HAHA. he wanted to order one NYNY Party Platter (which is reallie huge) and tiger beer so he was like saying 아이스, 아이스, 원, 원! HAHA
so while ate (pronounced as AH-tay which means auntie in tagalog) anna and i were with them taking orders, i asked 하나만? and the korean uncle looked at me and asked "what?" so i repeated... and he's like surprised LOL! the rest of the customers (12 of them in total) were kinda surprised O.O a singaporean chinese man asked "wah you can speak korean ar?" so i said "yea, a little..." then he said "good good" with a thumbs up HAHAHA XD
one korean man also asked me if i could speak O.O and i think he said good good too :D
thanks~
when ate anna was unclear about what the korean uncle wanted to order, i went back and said "손님, 이것은 하나만?... -pointing at NYNY party platter on the menu- and he repeated 손님 xD
and then, the korean uncle wanted to order TWO NYNY party platters instead D: so he's telling me 두, 두! while the others were like "NO NO NO, ONE! ONE!" and the korean uncle was insisting "TWO, TWO!"... LOLOLOL. it was reallie a sight to behold xD
in the end, i took his order lor. xD
HAHAHA, it's good to be multilingual ^_^ you never know which strangers you can impress and get a praise from ^_^
yea, after a long time, it was time to serve their desserts...... so i served the first banana split and i also wanted to serve the second one while saying something grand like "hello! banana split 왔습니다!!!!!" but ...... was like -_-'l| duwan me to serve ): seriouslie ....................................
anyway, i bowed to one of the korean men when he left ^_^ and also greeted 안녕히 가세요~ to the korean woman and she replied with a smile "네, 감사합니다~" ^_^
yeap. end of story. for the staff meal at the end of the day, it was a half rotisserie spring chicken code 803 ^_^ it wasn't bad :) rather succulent ^^
alright. in conclusion, i'm glad i have made some improvements in waitering :) i can take orders (from customers) better now. i also sms-ed the outlet manager to apologise if i've made him feel uncomfortable and he replied that it's not a problem, that my concerns are his duties......
-touched-
soooooo, i just walked to the bus stop after kovan station and took 101 home...
reached home and had steamboat dinner with my parents ^^
now, i'm going to sleep :)
valentine's day is coming! i reallie wish to ask my crush out (some handsome year 4 chemistry major from my korean lecture group) and i've sent him an e-mail too...... but he hasn't replied to my last one. he... doesn't seem keen on eating with me and a few times alreadie he hasn't been too nice to me... he's rather nice, though, when he teases me in korean class. sigh...... i wish my spoken korean was as good as his!
:( unrequited bah. but no matter, i won't think so much about it. i'll just imaginee and imaginee as always x) because i know i'm never good-looking enough for anyone i'm interested in.
Samuel
p.s. i wonder if i should become even more outspoken or just revert to being quiet like the handsome guy today......
okay, so I attended mah linguistics module's tutorial today...... and I must say I felt very shot down by the tutoring professor :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@
LOL...... either the tutor has some prejudgment against me, is being correct, or being unneutral towards me. sobsob TnT
never mind, I'll be able to give a better opinion in the next few tutorials. at the same time, I must refine my speech. GRR!
neeway, today was a rather eventful day :D i had lessons from 12 to 8 pm with a small break from 2 to 3 pm. so...
i thought i reallie particpated a lot in my tutorials recentlie o_o including korean lecture. am i improving as a person? :D
20 yo le, grew some _________s le. LOL
after organic chemistry tutorial at 2 pm, da tutoring professor walked with me to the dean's office to enquire about some student exchange programme matters... and the staff at the dean's office recognised me O.O like she successfully recalled my name although i haven't seen her for at least 6 months! lihai, lihai... samuel tan yuan han HAHA! and she said i looked cheerful :D the professor was impressed with me o_O LOL
had a rather eventful day yesterday. lab. OMG LABORATORY. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
-sad life-
sigh......
neeway, i had lab class from 12 to 5 D: and my practical was reallie like shit. didn't read some instructions TnT
next time, i will highlight important procedures =.= i can't make mistakes again. not errors, but mistakes. SCROOOOO
after lab at around 6, i had dinner with mah Teaching Assistant aka TA :D it was my first time ordering food from the other side of the canteen...... i ordered pork ribs noodles :D it was rather delicious!!! so we talked about my lab and other stuff too (like some lecturer :x) and school stuff and also he taught me some chemistry stuff (like HOMO and LUMO in relation to organic chemistry (?) LOL) so we were at the canteen until 8 lidat o_o
afterwards, he brought me to the FYP (Final Year Project) lab where he does his fyp... his honours, basicallie. there were people in the lab at 9 pm lah D: LIFELESS!!!! LOL
sad life of a crymisery major... not him, but me :(
afterwards, we both boarded some shuttle bus to west coast park plaza or something o_o LOL! then i took the bus back to school and chatted with the uncle driver
I WASH SHO TIRED LAHHHHHHHH it was 10 pm alreadie. so i fell asleep...... and woke up at around 1 am o_o i have bathed, btw =x
i recalled the dream i was having. i dreamt my ex and i became emotionallie close again. we were side by side and then we both rested our heads on each other... even holding hands... in public. not like orchard road in public, but along a street... i onlie recalled this in the shower.
the feeling of wanting each other, liking each other's presence, wanting to be with each other... caring for each other. there weren't cheerful smiles, but rather just a sad yearning on our faces to be close to each other. he forgave me! but alas, it was only just a dream. apparentlie, i didn't dream about max LOL who said he'd visit me in my dream o_O
alright. time to start on some tutorials bah. long day today.
and lastly, God bless the lady who lost both her sons on Monday )';
SO. I have started on working part-time EVER. It's my first time working for a salary :D (excluding private tuition)
where am I working at? At New York New York :D
if I am not gravelie mistaken, steven used to work at new york new york... and he said there was a role call in his sms... was that in the earlie morning? :(
neeway, i was thinking of working here at this branch for a rather long time. i had new york new york last saturday with my mom and sister to get my freeeeeee birthday platter (which didn't taste verie nice, to be honest =x) and after my meal, i just told the outlet manager that i'm interested in working there. i got hired that verie same day LOL
how was my first day of work? it was okay but TIRING AND I WAS STARRRVING D: and i reallie hate sweeping and mopping <_> spare me! TnT
i made a few mistakes o_o LOL. like almost walking away just when the customer places a hundred-dollar note on the bill folder-thing when the bill was more than $100...... inexperienced me xD luckilie he said "..." i can't remember LOL but he meant that there's still some more. Then i didn't close the bill folder and the moneyyyy was in plain sight of the people around LOL. STEWPEED MOI
when work ended, there was a staff dinner :D chef max made me a beef burger... omg, i was starving lah. onlie had a bowl of mom's porridge before going to work :( SPEAKING OF WHICH, I WAS LATE LOLOLOL
late by 7 minutes and when i entered, i was reminded that "i was late". TnT
the dishwasher lady said i was yandao ;D LOL! i was, but now no longer x)
i learnt a lot... and ironicallie, i'm learning to be more independent (by mopping) by working than staying in my dormitory LOL. my room is like a freaking garbage dump.
i've come a long way... recentlie, i tracked down a certain block where steven's godsister, tiffanie, used to stay at...... by the blessed accident of friendfinder on facebook, i sent her a request on facebook o_o and i messaged her... she did admit that she used to stay there and that she couldn't tell me about steven because they didn't contact each other for more than a year le...... it's her! IT'S REALLIE HER!
...... she met steven before, jumped onto him when they first met, went to manila to visit him...... she has so much information but i think she doesn't want to be friends with me...... hais
okay lah. time to turn in. i will upload some photos in the morning. oh, and i made a new friend. his name is johnny, the other part-time crew :)
hey guys, it's been two weeks since I've last blogged......
neeway, i had a great time in Manila :) special thanks to mr Gerry Obibe kapatid ko *ice-cream heart* I love you, kapatid! :)
kapatid ko brought me around Manila and accompanied me for four days on my maiden trip to Manila, so SUPER THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *four scoops of ice-cream*
recently, Pastor Khong has posted on his facebook page a few statuses that talk about 377A, the law that criminalises sex between men...... and I've also participated in the discussion which was a huge uproar by both proponents and opponents of the appeal to repeal 377A.
my take on this is simple: keep 377A. We need to not only to protect our people from predators (especially gay ones) who will only embolden with its repeal and subsequent decriminalisation, but also protect the interests of the conservative majority. call me gay, alright, but i have brains, high-minded morals and principles and i have things i believe in which i think are more important. my mom's happiness to mine... my influence on my conversative relatives... my innocent nephews... no.
i've been thinking about my future too. i can fathom in my mind occasionally how i can love a girl too. it's not about the gender, but the person. if a girl had so many attractive qualities as steven, would i not love her a lot, too? sure, a boy could possess those qualities too, but i can still be able to love a female romantically and emotionally and beyond even though i was abused when i was not even 7 and caused to be attracted to guys. I make a conscious choice and put in effort to preserve what is original and good, unlike selfish people with vested interest who conveniently claim that homolol is in the genes, they're born this way and whatever. know that no one is born this way. they have no mind for our societal structures and integrity. truly a moral degradation too to close one eye to cruising and orgies solely based on the amoral principle of privacy and consent. Fuck you, amoral guy. No morals.
alright. gonna fly to manila in... well, my flight's departing at 4.30 pm LOL
and to be very honest, i was hoping i could meet you x) YOU, MR SALT
i wish you were there...... :\ so that i could visit you
meet you
............
i'm so silly, right? so silly... um
well, i know you're on the other side of the world instead xD but i don't think i'd dare venture to europe yet...... LOL
D=
sigh...... where's your house in manila? let me stay there!
your mom's there with your little twins, right? please don't be mad! don't be mad...
don't be mad that i know about you... and don't be mad at the person who told me!
you've pretty much shaped my life. my aspiration to be a polyglot although i am not doing so well... and actually i feel my passion fading :\
my intention to marry a filipino girl...... of spanish lineage
oh, i think i will reallie disgust you but i beseech you to look at me with eyes of compassion!
yea. i aspire to be you. you're so special, unique and awesome. i wanna be like you!
i want to be handsome, smart, nice... righteous, obedient, loving, loyal, kind-hearted, etc.
you are fantastic. i want to be fantastic, too — LIKE YOU!
alright. i should pack my luggage xD i hope this vacation will be great! :)
manila~~~~~~~~
Samuel
as per tradition, i stayed at home to tune in to the 987 TOP 100 countdown :DDDD
although i fell asleep somewhere from the Number 40 to the Number 25 song of the year :(
SIGHHHHHHH SO I MISSED MAH AWESOME BLOG SONGS LIKE Domino by Jessie J, We Found Love by Rihanna...... and some songs I must have missed which where Number 30+++ :( but never mind! i can listen to the replay at... around 8 pm +++ tomorrow ^_^
totallie listened to 987 fm on meRADIO on my iphone. loudspeaker. no earphones.
the top few songs :D Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, Payphone by Maroon 5 featuring Wiz Khalifa, Somebody that I Used to Know by Gotye... and others HAHA
BUT DA NUMBER 1 SONG OF TWO-THOUSAND-AND-TWELVE WAZZZZZ
GANGNAM STYLE by PSY :D!!!!!!!!!!!! (please highlight this row =x)
it's the first time in 987 history that a non-English song is Number 1 in Singapore :D!!!
KUDOS!!!!!
and did you know? If you watch Gangnam Style on YouTube, you can see an animation beside the view counts =x 1 billion + views, yo!
even more than ... i forgot his name LOL. the one who makes reviews of viral videos.
so, what New Year's resolutions should I make? :D
hmm......
1. I shall practise delayed gratification.
2. I shall no longer have a phobia for listening to new music.
This blog contains many secrets
which you can uncover
if you look hard enough x)
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spikedog123
Samuel Tan Yuan Han
4th January 1993
spikedog123@hotmail.com
Loves <33
eating liquorice
eating sashimi
eating ice-cream
nice, handsome and smart people ^^ LINE
Wishes
Earn $1000 in 2012 (27 Mar 13) Have five tutees LOL (10 Aug 14) Pick up a new language (25 Nov 12) Dye mah hair ^^ (?? Feb 12)
Find a girlfriend
Have 20/20 vision Fix my teeth (03 Nov 16)
Have a haircut (04 Mar 2015)
Have a haircut (23 Jun 2015)
Have a haircut (31 Oct 2015)
Have a haircut (30 Dec 2015)
Have a haircut (04 Feb 2016)
Have a haircut (10 May 2016)
Have a haircut (13 Jul 2016)
Have my hair dyed (14 Jul 2016)
Have a haircut (21 Oct 2016)
Have a haircut (09 Mar 2017)
